Why did the math teacher break up with the history teacher? There was no chemistry.
Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one.
What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me!
Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
Why couldnтАЩt the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, IтАЩll go on ahead.
WhatтАЩs worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.
Why did the bank teller break up with his girlfriend? She lost interest.
What do you call a bee that canтАЩt make up its mind? A maybe.
Why was the broom late? It swept in.
How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms.
What did the fish say to the piano? You can tune a piano, but you canтАЩt tuna fish.
Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
How do mountains see? They peak.
What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
Why canтАЩt you trust an atom? They make up everything.
WhatтАЩs a snakeтАЩs favorite subject? Hiss-tory.
Why did the orange stop? It ran out of juice.
What does a clock do when itтАЩs hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their quarterback.
How did the barber win the race? He knew all the short cuts.
WhatтАЩs a skeletonтАЩs least favorite chore? The laundry тАУ no guts to do it.
Why donтАЩt oysters donate to charity? Because theyтАЩre shellfish.
How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hey, bud!
Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a watermelon.
WhatтАЩs the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well-dressed man on a unicycle? Attire.
Why did the cookie go to school? Because it wanted to be a smart cookie.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
How did the barber win the race? He took a short cut.
WhatтАЩs brown and rhymes with “snoop”? Dr. Dre.
What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
WhatтАЩs blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
Why donтАЩt some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships donтАЩt work out.