300 Short Jokes for a Quick Laugh

Introduction

Laughter is the best medicine, and sometimes, all you need is a quick, funny joke to brighten your day. Whether you’re looking for a witty one-liner, a cheesy pun, or something to share with friends, we’ve got you covered! Here are 300 short jokes in English that will give you that instant burst of humor. Perfect for lightening the mood, these jokes are guaranteed to make you smile!

Classic Short Jokes

Let’s kick off with some classic short jokes that never fail to bring a laugh!

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
3. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
4. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
5. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
6. I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
7. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
8. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
9. What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me!
10. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

Funny One-Liners

One-liners are perfect for when you need a quick laugh. They’re short, sweet, and to the point!

11. I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.
12. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
13. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
14. Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
15. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
16. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
17. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
18. Why was the broom late? It swept in.
19. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
20. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

Cheesy Puns and Funny Wordplay

Puns may be cheesy, but they never fail to get a giggle or an eye-roll. Here’s a collection of our favorite puns that are guaranteed to make you smile.

21. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
22. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
23. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.
24. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
25. Why don’t vampires attack Taylor Swift? Because she has bad blood.
26. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
27. Why was the stadium so cool? It was filled with fans.
28. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.
29. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
30. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

300 Short Jokes in English for a Quick Laugh

1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
4. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
5. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
6. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
7. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
8. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.
9. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
10. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
11. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
12. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
13. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
14. I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn’t have the patients.
15. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
16. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
17. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
18. I used to have a job at a bakery, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
19. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
20. I’d tell you a joke about an elevator, but it’s an uplifting experience.
21. My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s up there.
22. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
23. I used to be indecisive. Now, I’m not sure.
24. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
25. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
26. I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
27. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
28. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
29. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
30. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
31. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
32. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
33. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on ahead.
34. I’ve just written a song about tortillas; actually, it’s more of a wrap.
35. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
36. Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.
37. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
38. I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
39. What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament? Live stream.
40. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
41. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed a little space.
42. I would tell you a joke about a pencil, but it’s pointless.
43. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
44. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
45. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
46. Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
47. I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
48. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
49. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
50. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
51. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.
52. I would tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
53. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house? The living room.
54. I got hit in the head with a can of soda. It didn’t hurt because it was a soft drink.
55. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
56. How does a train eat? It goes chew chew!
57. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
58. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
59. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
60. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
61. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
62. If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
63. I didn’t want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
64. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
65. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
66. I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
67. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
68. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
69. What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business!
70. I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on, but then it clicked.
71. Why was the broom late? It swept in.
72. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
73. I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.
74. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a dog? Frostbite.
75. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
76. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
77. Why was the stadium so cool? It was filled with fans.
78. Why don’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
79. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
80. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
81. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
82. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it keeps sending me KitKat ads.
83. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the ‘P’ is silent.
84. Want to hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it.
85. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!
86. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
87. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
88. I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.
89. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
90. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
91. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hey bud!
92. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
93. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
94. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
95. I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a wrap.
96. Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
97. Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
98. How does Moses make tea? He brews.
99. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
100. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!

101. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
102. Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent!
103. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
104. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
105. What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
106. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
107. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.
108. Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
109. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
110. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
111. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
112. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
113. Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets.
114. What did the grape say when it was stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
115. I would tell you a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.
116. Why don’t bananas ever get lonely? Because they hang out in bunches!
117. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purrr-ple.
118. What do you call a bear that got stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear.
119. Why don’t you ever tell secrets in a cornfield? Because it’s full of ears.
120. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
121. Why was the picture sent to jail? Because it was framed.
122. What’s black, white, and goes around and around? A penguin in a revolving door.
123. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop!
124. How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints.
125. Why did the melon jump into the lake? Because it wanted to be a water-melon.
126. Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one!
127. Why don’t vampires attack Taylor Swift? Because she has bad blood.
128. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.
129. I wanted to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.
130. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.
131. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them.
132. What did one plate say to the other? “Lunch is on me!”
133. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.
134. Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they’re all in high school!
135. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
136. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
137. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumby.
138. Why don’t skeletons go to scary movies? They don’t have the guts.
139. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
140. Why don’t sharks like fast food? Because they can’t catch it.
141. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
142. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
143. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
144. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
145. Why was the math teacher suspicious of her calendar? Because its days were numbered.
146. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room.
147. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
148. Why did the physics professor break up with the biology professor? There was no chemistry.
149. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
150. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
151. How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste!
152. Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
153. What kind of award did the dentist get? A little plaque.
154. How do trees get online? They log in.
155. What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister.
156. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.
157. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
158. Why don’t you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
159. What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.
160. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
161. What’s Beethoven’s favorite fruit? Bananana!
162. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
163. What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
164. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
165. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
166. What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.
167. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
168. Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
169. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
170. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
171. What’s a shark’s favorite instrument? A sea-tar.
172. What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear.
173. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
174. Why don’t skeletons play music in church? Because they don’t have any organs.
175. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
176. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
177. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up.
178. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
179. Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they’re always stuffed.
180. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
181. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
182. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
183. What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
184. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
185. Why did the music teacher go to jail? Because she got caught with a bunch of notes.
186. What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
187. How does a dog stop a video? It presses the “paws” button.
188. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
189. What does one volcano say to another? “I lava you!”
190. What did the lawyer wear to court? A lawsuit.
191. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
192. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
193. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
194. How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
195. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
196. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m changing!
197. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
198. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
199. Why do mushrooms love to party? Because they’re such fungi.
200. What do you call an underwater spy? James Pond.

201. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
202. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A kingfish.
203. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
204. What did the fisherman say to the card magician? “Pick a cod, any cod.”
205. Why did the mushroom go to the party alone? Because he’s a fungi.
206. Why don’t skeletons ever use cell phones? They can’t find the bones to call anyone.
207. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
208. Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad.
209. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
210. Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.
211. Why don’t skeletons fight at parties? They have no body to dance with.
212. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.
213. Why did the math teacher eat graph paper? Because he wanted to plot his hunger.
214. Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.
215. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut.
216. What did one traffic light say to the other? “Stop looking! I’m changing!”
217. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
218. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
219. Why don’t penguins like talking to strangers at parties? They find it hard to break the ice.
220. Why was the belt arrested? Because it was holding up a pair of pants.
221. Why can’t basketball players go on vacation? They’d get called for traveling.
222. What’s green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.
223. Why do vampires seem sick? Because they’re always coffin.
224. Why are mountains so good at telling stories? They have great peaks and valleys.
225. How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints.
226. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
227. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
228. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
229. What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
230. What kind of bee can’t make up its mind? A maybee.
231. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
232. How does a farmer fix his jeans? With a cabbage patch.
233. Why don’t dinosaurs drive cars? Because they’re extinct.
234. What did one eye say to the other? “Between you and me, something smells.”
235. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
236. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
237. Why did the cow go to outer space? To see the mooooon.
238. Why don’t zombies like jokes? Because they’re dead serious.
239. What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate? A candy baa.
240. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
241. Why did the clock go to therapy? It had too many issues with time.
242. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
243. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
244. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
245. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.
246. Why do scuba divers fall backward off boats? Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.
247. What’s a snake’s favorite subject? Hiss-tory.
248. What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
249. Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.
250. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
251. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s “R”, but it’s really the “C”.
252. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
253. Why don’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
254. What did one plate say to the other? “Lunch is on me!”
255. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
256. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-morse code.
257. How does a tree get on the internet? It logs in.
258. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
259. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
260. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
261. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
262. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
263. What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
264. Why don’t fish play basketball? They’re afraid of the net.
265. Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse.
266. Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one.
267. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
268. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
269. Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed space.
270. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
271. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.
272. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
273. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
274. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
275. Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steaks.
276. What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory.
277. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
278. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet? They always get stuck at “C.”
279. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
280. What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.
281. Why don’t dinosaurs talk? Because they’re dead.
282. What did one hat say to the other? “Stay here, I’m going on ahead!”
283. What did the fish say when it hit the wall? “Dam.”
284. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything!
285. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
286. Why don’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
287. What did one toilet say to the other? “You look flushed.”
288. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
289. How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
290. Why do birds fly south in the winter? Because it’s too far to walk.
291. How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms.
292. Why did the belt get arrested? It held up a pair of pants.
293. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a dog? Frostbite.
294. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
295. What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
296. What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”
297. What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine.
298. How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
299. What did the egg say to the frying pan? “You crack me up!”
300. Why don’t skeletons play the piano? They don’t have the organs.